Losing them Both
by pimmyjalmergrl
Summary: Grief stricken, Abby and Tony embrace in the lab. Little do they know a sniper is poised to strike outside the window. With one pull of the trigger he murders the young goth Tony holds in his arms. Set during Kill Ari pt 1
1. Losing Her

**This is something I just hypothesized. What would happen if Ari hadn't missed Abby? I know it's probably physically impossible for a bullet to do that but still. Also this could be a one shot or it could be something I carry on for some time, let me know if you want to hear more.**

Tony's eyes wanted to close, their lids were heavy and tauntingly dry. He had wanted to cry, in private of course but he couldn't find the time nor muster up the energy or courage to think of the passed day's events. Tony was the kind of person who needed to really think sometimes, even if he didn't look like it. He knew that if he had been alert he might have spotted Ari, could have saved her. Anything to save himself pain, right? He chuckled mirthlessly.

"I'm gonna miss her Tony." Said Abby, reaching up for a hug.

"Me too Abs." He truly would. Where had his partner gone? She had suddenly become lifeless beside him. Most shocking, Kate's still warm blood had splattered his face like a canvas. Abby was wrapped up in his arms when a shot was fired from outside. Before Tony could flinch Abby's glass shattered and she went limp in his arms. His instincts kicked in and he dove for the wall carrying Abby's motionless form with him.

"Abby! Abby!" He shook the woman who moments ago had been living in his arms. She too had a bullet through her forehead. Tony's stomach almost betrayed him, there was still a single tear on her cheek.

"No! No! No!" He whispered to Abby as he pulled her into his arms.

"Get down!" Gibbs shouted, as he thundered into the lab, turning off lights as he came. He finally burst into the part of the lab where Tony and Abby had been. Gibbs swiveled to assure himself that Abby was unharmed. Cold crept from his gun-gripping fingertips to his clenched jaw and down through his toes upon seeing what had transpired in his brief absence. His senior field agent sat beneath the windowsill, cross-legged. He cradled Abby's lifeless form close to his chest. Slowly Tony looked up to face his boss. Gibbs recognized the look on his young face as one of pure pain and anger. Once again his face was splattered in blood. The older agent raced to where Tony, sat sliding onto his knees like a baseball players triumphantly sliding into home, though his face carried the expression of none such character.

"Boss," Tony said in a voice that was saturated with grief, "I've never lost anyone before."

"I know Anthony."

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	2. Won't Forget

**So I decided to continue this. The story will mostly be about Tony and a little about Gibbs too. Enjoy!**

"Gibbs, I'm gonna kill the bastard." Tony said blatantly, looking straight into the older man's icy blue eyes.

"Not if I get to him first DiNozzo." Gibbs's voice did not impart any sense of competition, only a shared goal. Tony was glad Abby's eyes were closed; he feared he might loose the contents of his stomach had they not been. Gently, Gibbs ran his callused finger along Abby's cheekbone.

"Take her to Ducky." Gibbs murmured after a long silence. Tony nodded and rose. He had been holding her when that son of a bitch of a had taken her life away, he probably knew what that could do to a man. There was no doubt in Tony's mind that Ari had hit his target, the target being both himself and Abby. Her body was still warm and he hugged it closer as he walked. It was as if he might squeeze life into her, he would gladly forfeit some of his own. Fortunately the elevator was empty. Finally Tony hung his head and cried. The tears came freely and thick, he could no longer see. He cried for Kate and Abby, and for McGee and for Gibbs and for Ducky and for himself. Would he ever be the same? Could he ever be the same? The woman he loved and the woman he was holding had both been murdered, he could have protected both. And Tony knew that after this night he might not be able to think of this. He might resort back to his old self and push it out of his mind. Never pondering or remembering, this was the one thing he couldn't let himself do. He had to keep the memory of these two amazing women alive in his mind, if not in the minds of others as well. Because if he forgot or tried not to think about it, it would be like it never happened and then it would leave no affect on him what so ever. Realizing that he wanted to be affected and to wallow in memories of his friends Tony vowed not to push the day's events out of his mind. With a shaky hand he wiped away his tears and stepped out of the elevator into autopsy. Ducky looked up from Kate's body and saw a disheveled Anthony DiNozzo standing in the doorway. Tony's eyes were red rimmed and he shook rather violently. In his arms he carried Abby's motionless body. Ducky's well worn muscles tensed in a reflex reaction.

"Oh dear." Ducky murmured walking towards Tony. Tony's head fell towards his chest. It seemed, Ducky thought, he was unable to look the ME in the eyes. "What happened?" Ducky inquired softly as he brushed a strand of hair from Abby's face.

"We were in her lab and-" He could not go one.

"There, there," Ducky comforted in a very fatherly way. "Lay her down here." He guided the grief stricken agent to the autopsy table adjacent to the one Kate lay on. Tenderly Tony lay Abby down on the table. "Now Anthony are you ready to tell me what happened?" The young man took a deep breath and began.

"We were in her lab, and we were hugging, she said she was going to miss Kate. And then he shot into the lab and he broke her glass and got her right where he got Kate." His voice was strained and hesitant.

"Him being Ari?" Ducky had already heard Jethro's theory on Kate's murder.

"Yes." Tony nodded quietly.

"Now listen Anthony, you need to go home and get some rest." Ducky said very seriously to Tony as he caressed Abby's peaceful face.

"I can't Ducky, I'll only see Abby and Kate and Abby and Kate. I can't close my eyes."

"Well let's get you cleaned off." The ME said noticing the blood on Tony's face for the first time. Ducky led him to the sink and rinsed off the blood, then to a clean autopsy table where Tony would spend the rest of the night.

**Hey look! This one was longer.**

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	3. The Autopsy

**Well here is another sad chapter, writing this fic depresses me! Just so you know this fic will mostly focus on Tony, some on Gibbs and on their connection (father/son mentor/mentee friend/friend) you get the point. Also I want to apologize for my chapters being so short, this is because I like to focus on one character at a time, next up, Tim! Focusing allows me to post chapters faster so, just so you know I'm working on the whole length thing.**

Ducky's sadness was like a well inside him. It ran deep and seemed a permanent fixture. It affected how he saw, how he heard, suddenly Ducky's whole world was melancholy. He kept the lights in autopsy low and the bodies covered. Examining the bodies indiscreetly he felt, would be an insult to Kate and Abby's modesty. What a blow to Anthony's confidence. Despite the love/hate relationship between Tony and Kate, Ducky knew that they worked together well and had, had a connection. So soon after Kate thought she would loose Tony, Tony lost her.

"And you my dear." Ducky murmured to Abby as he turned to linger over her body instead. "Ari harmed three people today. Yes you're pain was not long enduring, but Tony's will be just the opposite." Ducky's voice was gentle and soft but there was still the sentiment of rage behind his mild ways. Oh yes, he wanted Ari deep below the ground.

Ducky took extra care with the autopsies. His incisions were clean and straight, he was thorough but quick, much to his dismay he already knew that approximate time and cause of death. Gently, he sponged the grime and dried blood of the faces of the young women and even took such pains as to cross their arms casually.

"How I will miss you both." Ducky murmured as final farewell. And covered both women with clean white sheets.

"I'm gonna miss 'em too Duck." Gibbs said as he walked through the doors.

"Jethro who would do such a thing? I don't believe our young friend Anthony shall ever be the same."

"I don't think so either." Gibbs agreed, for the first time in a long time pain showed in his voice. He flinched to think of replacing his fallen agent and the forensic scientist who had managed to be so good at her job and brighten his day at the same time. Gibbs caught a glance of DiNozzo on the autopsy table and gasped.

"No, no, no, no, no." He said tensing up.

"Relax Jethro, he's sleeping." Ducky assured.

"Sorry Duck, I guess I'm a little paranoid." Gibbs relaxed his grip on the edge of the autopsy table.

"It's to be expected." Ducky assured him, "I don't mean to rush you but did you have a purpose in coming down here?"

"Just wanted to check on you Duck."

"Well thank you Jethro but we are all well here, to a certain degree." Gibbs nodded and walked out as the rain pounded methodically outside.

**Alright well there is that chapter, I am begging you I want to know what you thought, in depth please! **

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	4. Telling Tim

**Here is another chapter, this one is muuuuuuch longer, so enjoy!**

Tony sat up on the autopsy table, stretched and yawned.

"Morning." Gibbs stood and walked silently over to the table. "Here, drink, I need you awake and at your best." He handed Tony a large cup of coffee.

"Were you watching me sleep?"

"I don't wanna have to head slap you right now DiNozzo." Tony knew this was Gibbs deflecting. He didn't know it but Gibbs had sat watch since Ducky left for the night. He followed Tony's breathing until he himself fell into DiNozzo's breathing patter and drifted into a dreamless sleep, waking early to go for coffee. The tension in the older man's muscles refused to fade with sleep and he it envelope him until it formed an impenetrable armor that protected him from the outside world as well as from his own thoughts. This was one of the first times in the years he'd known Gibbs that he couldn't get an inkling as to what was behind those blue eyes. He knew something was going on in the older man's sharp mind. Finally he accepted the coffee after a long staring contest.

"What are we going to do now boss?" Their strong team of six was now down two members and all were wounded, if not maimed emotionally. Funny how something as inconsequential as a sniper rifle could peel apart lives like this, Tony though to himself.

"I don't know." Gibbs replied simply.

"Where's Tim?" The younger man asked in a clipped tone as he dismounted the autopsy table.

"At home," Gibbs hesitated. "He doesn't know." He had thought it best that the man who was like a brother to Tim tell him. He really didn't want to do it himself. Tony's heart plummeted, he didn't mind telling McGee, it was that McGee and Abby had been close, very close and he didn't know what kind of effect the news would have on the young agent.

"I guess I'll go tell him then." Tony sighed and exited autopsy.

In the elevator Tony's head began to droop but it's ding as it reached the bullpen roused him. He took a deep breath and stepped out. McGee sat dutifully filling out paperwork, classic probie. Pulling his swivel chair from behind his desk, Tony took a seat in front of McGee. The young agent looked up.

"Hey, you look like crap."

"I feel like crap." Tony replied honestly. "Didya get a good night's sleep?"

"Not really." Probie fessed up.

"Yeah, me neither… look, last night, after you left, I uh was down in Abby's lab and uh…" Tony had no idea how to continue.

_Come on DiNozzo_ he chided himself _man up! Out with it already!_

"We were shot out from outside the lab." The older man finished with a sigh. McGee's eyes widened in terror.

"W-was it-?" He began.

"Ari? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was."

"She didn't… make it did she?" McGee choked.

"No, I'm sorry Tim." Tony placed his hand on the other agents shoulder reassuringly but Tim sprang up from his seat and began to pace furiously.

"I should have been here Tony; I should have been able to protect her!" McGee's volume began to rise.

"No, not at all Tim, I was there and I couldn't protect her." Tony said trying to calm the other man.

"Well that's not saying much." He snorted. Tony stood.

"Look Tim, I know you're hurting, I am too, but I am not incompetent. You don't think I haven't gone over and over last night in my mind already? There was no way, I could have known, but I should have anyway." His eyes were glued to the floor.

"I'm sorry Tony." Tim's voice was soft now.

"It's okay." The older agent looked up again. "You loved her didn't you?"

"Yeah, I think I did. And Tony?"

"Yeah McGee?" Tony responded as he walked back to his desk.

"I know it wasn't your fault."

"I know." He murmured with out looking up. "And it wasn't yours either."

"Yeah I know."

"Hey McGee? You know, we were hugging when it happened." McGee chuckled.

"She would have liked that."

"Yes, yes she would." Neither man looked at each other. "Tony? Was it…immediate?" Tony sighed.

"Ducky said it was almost instantaneous."

"So no pain?" McGee tried to reassure himself.

"None."

**So wadya think?**

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	5. When Gibbs is Hurt

**I know I said the story would focus on Tony and it will! I just HAD to write this, I couldn't get anything else through my head before I got this down on paper and I think it makes a good addition.**

He was lost, completely lost. Wanting to send his fist through a wall, he stomped around Abby's lab. Vespers of the goth forensic scientist surrounded him in all her pigtailed glory. She waved her hands around illustrating a point that he could just barely understand, slurped a cafpow, accepted a kiss on the cheek. He had let the lives of two of his valued employees slip through his fingers like grains of sand. A desire to simply liquidate into somebody's arms filled him, yet he couldn't. Involuntarily, his feet carried him through the automatic door, and into the elevator, he was too absorbed with memories to really direct his feet. Despite his strong façade, tears prickled at his eyes. Would not, could not cry. Blindly he walked into Director Shepard's office and stood without a word before her. The face he wore showed hardened pain and anger, confusion even. This was a side of Gibbs the new director had never seen. They kept eye contact for a very long moment. The man who she had just met again for the first time in a very long time had just stormed into her office stone faced and teary eyed, though he tried to hide it. Working with Gibbs had given Jenny Shepard a good sense of his moods, actions and tactics.

"Gibbs." Her voice was soft and reassuring, as if saying 'talk to me'

"You heard?" There was a certain scratch to his voice as if he had not spoken in some time,

"Of course," fluidly she rose from her chair. "I am so sorry Jethro." She consoled sidling towards him.

"Yeah, me too." He also walked in her direction. "Jen," There was a long pause and only the sound of the two old friend's breathing permeated the air. "They're really gone.' Jenny didn't know what to do our how to respond so she did the only failsafe thing that came to mind, she simply reached up and hugged the man she knew so well. At first his body was rigid and tense in her arms but after a matter of seconds he hugged her back. He felt himself becoming worm and re-accustomed to this woman's embrace. Then the tears began to fall. One ragged sob he let slip was her clue.

"Shh." She consoled, pulling back from the embrace. Softly she brushed a shock of silver hair off of Gibbs' damp face. He shook slightly with the sobs. She'd never seen Gibbs cry before, how was she supposed to react? At a loss for all other means of reassurance she continued to comfort him until his sobs subsided and all his tears dried. Without another word he nodded as if to thank her and walked out of her office.

Jenny had no idea what to make of this encounter. This was by far the most vulnerable side of Gibbs she had ever seen. Losing to agents in one day would certainly cause repercussions for all involved. Jenny did not feel what Jethro did but she most certainly did not like losing agents. But Gibbs, well those women had also been his friends.

**Do we like? Let me know.**

**Next up is Ziva!!! and some real Tony time.  
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	6. The Moussad Officer

**Here's another chapter, sorry for the little delay, I've had a busy weekend, enjoy, more to come!**

The hard laminate of his desk was probably one of the softest things Tony had laid his head on in the past few days. It was three days after that horrible night, three whole days of seeing the sketches and pictures of both scenes and of reliving both murders. Tony still couldn't come to grips with it all. After he'd given his statement he retreated to his desk where he alternated between doing frivolous paper work and napping. He could finally close his eyes without seeing Kate or Abby and took full advantage of that. Sometimes he awoke and had the delusion that it was just another day he would lift his head expecting to see Kate but when he saw her empty desk all those bloody memories would flood back. This time he awoke to the sound of the elevator announcing a visitor. Lifting his head, he looked towards the elevator. A young, middle-eastern looking young woman walked purposefully towards him.

"I am here to see agent Gibbs." She said directly in an exotic accent. He sighed.

"How do you know I'm not Gibbs?" Tony uttered in a monotone.

"Would you be asking if you were?" She challenged. He grimaced. "I am officer Ziva David, Moussad." She held out a badge for him to inspect. A surge of recognition coursed through him.

"Israeli." He observed blandly, trying to keep the curiosity out of his voice.

_What does Moussad want with us?_

"Very good." Her tone was dripping with sarcasm. "I say Moussad and you think Israeli." He didn't have time for her antagonistic attitude. "Where is agent Gibbs?"

"He'll be back in about an hour. What can _I _do?" Cocking her head she contemplated him for a moment.

"I will wait." She stated and settled into McGee's vacant chair. As if she knew he was watching her like a hawk, she took her hair out of its tight braid and shook her head like an overzealous supermodel. Slowly he became more and more exasperated.

"Look you can either slouch provocatively for an hour or you can tell me what you need and I can try to help." The attractive woman sighed as if giving in.

"I am here to convince agent Gibbs that Moussad officer, Ari Haswuari did not murder your agent Kate Todd." She was determined and seemed confident. Rage enveloped every part of him.

"And what about Abby Scuito?" His jaw was rigid with fury.

"Beg your pardon?"

_She didn't know? BS! She had to know._

"Three days ago your 'agent' murdered Special Agent Caitlin Todd and Forensic Scientist Abby Scuito." Accusatory and angered he stood to face her.

"Perhaps the same person who killed your Agent Todd." She was enragingly calm as she said it.

"Yeah the same person, Ari Haswuari!" The volume of his voice was way above normal levels.

"What did I just tell you?"

"That the same person who killed Kate killed Abby and I agreed!" The young woman sighed.

"I will not have this conversation with you. What makes you think Ari killed them anyways?"

"I just, I just know." He managed. How did he know Ari killed Kate and Abby? Ari had taken her hostage one more than one occasion, he was arrogant, the type to kill a woman and had been the organizer of the terrorism attack that they had just barely stopped three days ago. It was Ari without a doubt.

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	7. Ziva, Gibbs, Gibbs, Ziva

**Sorry for the break in between posts I've been REALLY busy lately, but don't worry this fic is far from over. Now I have to do some research because I can't remember for the life of me how Gibbs finally convinces Ziva. So, you'll have to excuse me if I sort of make it all up as I go along. Enjoy!**

Who was Ziva David to tell him what he knew to be true was not? She had Ari's word, Tony had proof.

_Gibbs won't like this girl._

He chuckled morbidly at the thought. Finally Gibbs strode out of the elevator, coffee cup in hand.

"I am Officer David, Moussad." The woman flashed her badge at Gibbs. His eyes hardened instantaneously.

"And what does Moussad want with us Officer David?" Questioned Gibbs in a tight voice.

"To convince you of Ari Haswuari's innocence." Ziva drew herself up to her full height and looked him directly in the eyes.

_So now she's straight forward, I guess Gibbs's reputation proceeds him, figures. _Tony contemplated. It was obvious Gibbs did not take well to this. He didn't speak.

"Now I understand you lost an a team member-"

"Two." Gibbs cut her off, Tony smirked, maybe now she'd believe him.

"I see, you should know that Ari Haswuari is an undercover Moussad officer operating in Hamas." At this Gibbs snorted slightly under his breath.

"Looks like your 'officer' turned on you, now doesn't it?"

"I think you have misunderstood me, he is operating undercover."

"Sure is good at that isn't he? Could have fooled me." Gibbs' voice was sardonic and sarcastic.

"I'm not sure I understand you." She said to appease him.

"Well the bomb strapped underneath the table where he threatened to kill me was a dead give away that he had gone rouge." This seemed to surprise Officer David, but she quickly hid it, not quick enough though. Gibbs spotted her uncertainty and the corner of his mouth twitched in amusement for the first time in what seemed like eternity. Her phone rang.

"Excuse me," she looked at the caller ID, "I have to take this." Tony's eyes narrowed, and he strolled casually over to the divider so he might hear what she was saying. Unfortunately she spoke in fast Hebrew. He picked up small bits from what he had retained from a rudimentary Hebrew course that was required for one undercover op he had conducted.

_Lo… That means no, b'vakasha, is you're welcome, or was it thank you? "Ari," She's talking on the phone to Ari!!_

Tony wanted to grab the phone from the Officer David's tan hands and shout strings of expletives and threats into its receiver. And then he wanted to pin that woman to the wall and force Ari's whereabouts out of her. Sadly none of that could be accomplished as she _was_ a Moussad officer and probably had mad ninja skills and she would probably tell Ari that NCIS was on his trail. Of course Gibbs would not give up no matter what this pretty girl told him.

_Never mess with the gut as Abby might say. _

Tony was unprepared for the tears that sprung to his eyes at this memory. He could almost see Abby before him making strange comments or sipping a cafpow, it made him sad but also sort of brought a smile to his face. Maybe he was going mad, seeing dead people and all, but then again it was sort of a blessing wasn't it? Seeing your loved ones after they had gone from the world? It wasn't as if she was talking to him, telling him to do things he shouldn't. No he was simply remembering Abby, nothing more. As he came to this conclusion he saw Gibbs storm off the young Moussad officer at his heels.

_He'll convince her. _

**_Reviews?? You know I love them._**


	8. The Forensics of the Heart

**Here it is the next chapter, introducing the new forensic scientist. This is my own character just so you know. Hope you like it.**

Jenny was hesitant to introduce the team to the new forensic scientist. She felt as though it would be turning the knife with which they had all been stabbed, a brutal and painful gesture. One she unfortunately had to make. The familiar clicking sound of her stilettos accompanied the graceful woman as she went down the stairs. What remained of Gibbs's team was unusually quiet and withdrawn. McGee stared blankly into space, presumably music sounded from his in-ear head phones, but the outside world he was silent, unmoving, marble statue. Agent DiNozzo had his head on his desk, sleeping, thinking, crying? Had he even gone home in the last 3 days? Finally her eyes drifted to Jethro. He stared intently at some kind of report, his much despised reading glasses perched on his nose. So different from the man who had come into her office needing reassurance and wordless guidance.

"You just gonna stand there Jen?" Gibbs said in that unnerving way of his with out looking up. The rest of the team glanced up. Jenny cleared her throat.

"The new forensic scientist is here, if you like I can introduce you to her now but if you'd like to wait, I'll uh, I'll understand." Her voice was strong but gentle. Taking a deep breath Tony responded.

"No I think, I think I'd like to meet her." He quietly stood.

_Better now then later_

Pausing his ipod McGee also stood. He did not speak; he just waited to be lead down the lab.

"Jethro?" She inquired.

"Uh yeah, I'm coming." His voice was bland and emotionless, carefully he put away his papers and came to stand next to Jenny. She led them to the elevator where they waited in uncomfortable silence until the doors finally opened to the hallways leading to Abby's lab.

_It's not Abby's lab anymore though._ McGee wallowed, as he had been doing consistently for the past few days. He'd thought it might get better, the sadness, but it hadn't, not yet at least. A short woman stood with her back to the agents. Long brown hair waved down her back.

"Sarah, I'd like you to meet Agents Gibbs, DiNozzo and McGee." Jenny said to the woman's back, she turned to face them. She was painfully plain, brown hair brown eyes, really nothing interesting on her face. Smiling lightly she walked over to shake their hands.

"I'm very sorry for your loss." She looked directly into Tony's eyes as she spoke.

"Thank you." His voice cracking slightly.

"I'll leave you to get acquainted then." Jenny said, desperate to escape the awkward situation. Swiftly she exited the lab.

"I just want you to know," the young scientist began, "that I'll do anything I can to help you find the person who killed your agent and forensic scientist. Gibbs grunted acknowledging her and pointed to the pile of evidence untouched on the table.

"I'll get right on it."

_She's confident now but after a week with Gibbs she'll be wondering why she ever took this job._

But Tony didn't really want her to leave. He didn't want to loose another person, and she seemed so nice, just nice, she didn't deserve the height of Gibbs's bastardly ways. Gibbs stalked out of the room but before he to left Tony murmured softly to Sarah.

"Thank you." She nodded knowingly. Pain surged through the young mans chest as he walked out of the lab.

_So this is what a broken heart feels like. _

**So what did we think?**

**More on Sarah next chap.**


	9. Coffee, it Brings us Together

**Officially my longest fic yet!!! This chapter is pretty long (for me) I know, I know I keep trying but I am a strong believer in how the flow of something affects how you read it. So enjoy!!**

Being plopped into this situation was Sarah's idea of a challenge (and a mitzvah her father would have reminded her.) Gibbs and his team were infamous in the forensics community. Strict but efficient boss, the best in the business, experienced highly trained investigators, well seasoned and notorious medical examiner… and a kick ass forensic scientist. When director Shepard had called, Sarah had jumped at the chance. First off she was unemployed, second NCIS had a state-of-the-art lab and third she'd be facilitating a vital need. The really did need her. If the rumors were true, Gibbs would want to track down the killer of his agent and forensic scientist (both friends, she assumed) and he could not do that without forensic expertise on his side. So Sarah accepted the offer. She knew she could handle the challenge, she just wasn't sure they could handle her. She was after all the replacement of someone they had loved. The ring of the phone roused her from her thoughts.

"Forensics." She answered.

"Hi sarah, it's Tony." Said a male voice from the other end.

"Tony?" She didn't recognize the name.

"DiNozzo." Tony clarified.

"Oh hi, what can I do for ya?" She chirped in her most cheerful voice.

"Well actually I'm going for coffee, I was wondering if you wanted something." Unintentionally she arched her eyebrows.

"Uh, sure, iced, half-caf, Americano. Thanks."

"No problem, cream? Sugar?"

"One of each please."

"Kay, I'll bring it down to the lab."

"Thanks again."

"You're welcome." He hung up.

_That was interesting,_ Sarah contemplated. _Maybe this will be easier than I thought._

Tony had offered Sara coffee because he was curious about the young woman. Who would want to replace someone who had _murdered _on the job? He flinched at the word. Anyone who would do something like that should be worth talking to.

"Iced, half-caf, Americano, one cream, one sugar." Tony handed Sarah her coffee. She turned from the computer screen to face him.

"Thanks." She said accepting the peace offering in the form of a cold drink.

"So how did you even get this gig?" Tony asked directly, "NCIS doesn't even pay that well." Sarah wasn't really surprised at his forwardness, it was to be expected from Tony's type.

"Um, well director Shepard called and asked if I'd be willing to take the job, she said I'd been on her 'radar'," she made air quotes with her fingers, "for a long time. That part kind of freaked me out." He snorted a bit.

"You weren't at all… taken aback by what happened to Ab- I mean the previous forensic scientist." Sarah gulped, how to put this?

"I wasn't taken aback no, I was very sorry that I was getting a job through this sort tragedy but it also sounded kind of _exciting_ if you know what I mean. I know it sort of sounds morbid but it's true."

"No, no I get it." Tony affirmed. There was a long pause as they both thought over what the other had said.

"Do you, do you miss them?" She hesitated a bit.

"Yeah I really do." He stopped for a moment. "I sort of feel like I let them slip through my fingers, like I could have done something."

"Survivors guilt?"

"Even more than that I think."

"You probably had no control over the moment." She tried to comfort him.

"Over that moment, no, over the ones previous, of course I did. I should have seen it coming."

"I don't think so." She said shaking her head.

"My job is to protect people." He explained.

"How could you have known? Isn't this lab normally a safe place? And could you really have seen that last shooter?"

"I suppose that's true, I just don't think logic is going to do much in this situation."

"No you're probably right." She agreed.

Tony hadn't expected himself to open up to this woman he barely knew so quickly, not at all really. Maybe she was just one of those naturally insightful people. The type you feel comfortable telling everything. But that in combination with her being a scientist was unusual. She was supposed to believe in logic right? Constants, not fluctuating emotions. But then again NCIS wasn't exactly _usual._

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	10. Assisted What Again?

_It could be simple; he didn't have to feel pain anymore. He wasn't a religious man, he didn't believe in heaven or hell. He had never feared for his own life, only for the lives of others. After all, in death he would feel nothing, when others died he would feel grief no matter how well he hid it. Such a selfish gesture it was, but then again he had always been a bastard. Slowly he lifted the cold hard gun to his temple._

There was a hole in Tony's heart. It gaped open, as if taunting him. His little chat with Sarah had torn it wide open. With renewed determination he had asked her to analyze all the evidence from both scenes. Both shootings were consistent with Ari's insolent personality and agonizingly good aim. The same person had shot both Kate and Abby, no surprise of course. Armed with this information Tony had set off to inform Gibbs. Really Gibbs already knew, Tony just wanted to speak to the older man, hear his take on Sarah, as he had been stony and silent down in the lab earlier, simply to talk. Gibbs had grumpily gone home earlier. Could this be the beginning of a new boat? How did he get those goddam things out of his basement? Tony could have mulled numbingly over the subject for hours but just in time he arrived at Gibbs's place. The house wasn't anything impressive but it sure as hell wasn't a shack. The lawn was mowed but there was no flower garden, or window boxes. The paint wasn't chipping but the windows hadn't been washed in a very long time. All the lights except for those in the basement were off.

_Figures._

As per usual the door was unlocked and Tony let himself in. He didn't turn on any lights, trying to preserve what he jokingly referred to as "the sanctuary of Gibbs." Trying to be as silent as possible he went down the stairs that lead to Gibbs's basement. There was no reassuring sound of old fashioned sanding block against already smooth wood. No saw, nothing. Tony proceeded down the stairs until he reached the landing at the bottom. He hesitated to turn and look, not knowing how he would find the older man. Sitting silently, bourbon in hand? Whatever he expected it was certainly not what he found. Gibbs sat on top of his relatively completed boat, cross legged, in his hand was the gun he possessed for personal use, he had it centered on his temple, cocked and ready to shoot. His blue eyes were closed.

_Shit! Is he already dead? He's not moving!_

Tony mentally head slapped himself when he noticed the steady up and down pattern of Gibbs's breathing. Just thinking.

How did one handle this type of situation? Tony's boss, superior, mentor, friend even, sat before him with a gun to his head, ready to pull the trigger. His first instinct was to lunge for the gun but quickly resolved that, that would only result in Gibbs's and even possibly Tony's death.

"Uh, hey boss." He said, trying to sound casual. Gibbs looked up unfeelingly. "Ya know, uh that's dangerous, holding your gun to your head like that." Tony played dumb. Chuckling nervously he added "But I bet you knew that."

"This doesn't concern you Dinozzo." Gibbs dismissed.

_Of course it does!! If I just walk away and leave you to pull the trigger what would that make me? Do you want to take away another member of our already decimated team?_

"Yes, yes it does, you pull that trigger, I'll be transferred, and I'll be investigated," He paused. "And I'll loose one of the best friends I've ever had."

"And how many friends have you had Tony?" Gibbs sniped. He sighed.

"Not many really." He conceded "But you don't want me to loose another one of the few I have had?" He tried to turn it around.

"I've lived through things you can't even fathom, why are you hounding me with your selfish complaints?"

This was totally unlike Gibbs. It wasn't meaner than Gibbs might usually be, no, he would probably think it, but he would never voice it, or allow himself to show as much emotion as he was now. Could he be seriously considering pulling that trigger? Of course he could.

"I can't find Ari on my own, you know."

"Sure you can, you're the 'senior field agent' I think you can handle it." He growled.

"But, but if you pull that trigger than it's up to me and I'm, I'm incompetent so I might screw it up and then that son of a bitch will walk. You don't want that do you?"

"This is like in one of your movies isn't DiNozzo?"

"Well actually it is slightly cliché." Tony almost grinned. Slowly corners of the older man's mouth tugged ever so slightly upwards and he laid the gun down beside him. Tony quickly snatched it out of harms way an swiftly unloaded it. Without a word Gibbs just lay down on the boat and closed his eyes.


	11. A Bullet or a Key?

**Hi! Long time no write, well I finally gotten back on the band wagon. Here is the much awaited Chap 11! I went back and forth in my mind for a long time trying to figure out how Gibbs and Tony were going to finally get the sucker. I think I've figured it out. Now I have to warn you that at the end of this story things will NOT just go back to normal. Please enjoy!**

How simple it could be really, just let Ari come to him, Tony would have his back but no, no Gibbs wanted to hunt this son of a bitch down and make him scared for his life. Make him feel agony and pain and then when he feared it most Gibbs would end his worthless life. As morbid as it was Gibbs took pleasure in these thoughts, took sanctuary in daydreams of breaking the terrorist's jaw. He was not ashamed.

The Moussad girl, though was being a pill. She refused to believe in the guilt of this murderer. What was it with her? What was her relationship with him. Moussad was like the mafia, all related in some way. It made him sick. Well not precisely, Ari made him sick all others were guilty by association. At this point he didn't care.

At that moment Sarah virtually flew into the bullpen. Tony looked up from what had occupied him for the last several hours-nothing. Excitedly she beckoned to what remained of the team.

"I found something, it links Ari to the murders." She blurted out.

"I'm not looking for evidence." Gibbs said bluntly, Sarah simply ignored this.

"The bullets, are from a company, infamous, but underground, many haven't heard of it before."

"What? William Sonoma Bullets" Tony cracked dryly. Surprising even himself with his sense of humor.

"Not quite, Delphi Ammunition. The sell mostly to officers of the Moussad but have some suspected Hamas connections."

"It fits," said Tony, "But how can you be sure they are from this place?"

"There's a marker on each bullet indicating its from Delphi. These bullets are sold in batches, they are touted to be the best bullets for high precision sniping. Each purchase of a batch is recorded along with the name and address of the person who bought it. Each batch is defined by a unique chemical marker."

"So theoretically you could tie these bullets to Ari?" Gibbs asked to reassure himself that he understood.

"In reality I can." Sarah responded as she handed him the print out. "He's purchased two batches in the last year. The bullets he used to kill Agent Todd and Ms. Scuito were part of those batches. And on that sheet it says his last known address."

"But he's a terrorist, he probably lied about his address."

"Oh no, not with Delphi. They check up on this stuff."

"You're positive this address isn't a trap." Tony asked.

"I can't say that for certain sure but, when he bought these bullets it was his address." In Gibbs' face Tony could see a mix of anger, hope and apprehension.

"But how could he be so stupid to actually leave evidence like this for us." Gibbs asked skeptically.

"I have to tell you that this is not widely known information."

"Let's stake him out." Gibbs said with finality.

**Reviews? Keep 'em coming, it doesn't take long to drop a comment, please help me out.**


	12. Stakeout

**So I have some words for all of you. About a thousand people read this latest installment which is great! But I got a total of one, count 'em one review. Now I know that anyone who has an account on this site is probably a writer and writers have opinions, I know I have very strong ones. So PLEASE share them with me i am dying to hear your opinions.**

**Also GREAT book I just read Apart R.P. MacIntyre and Wendy MacIntyre, about a weird but very touching pen pal relationship. It is a must read!**

Tony could not sleep like he might at a normal stake out , his eyes were glued to the windows of the shabby apartment across the street. The sleazy landlord had said that the man who lived there was gone one week, back the next. He had recognized Ari's picture. Tony was astounded and triumphant that the terrorist had made such a mistake.

Gibbs sat beside him stoically. Tony would have expected the older man to be determined, not stopping at anything, but instead he was withdrawn and pensive. Probably going over scenes again and again in his mind. Tony knew how that felt, he'd been doing it ever since that night. An endless montage of blood and bullets. He had never been a wuss but this all scared him. It was dark and morose, a good-bad movie, the kind that is intriguing and interesting but gives a grown man nightmares of his life going down the drain. Spending his entire life in front of jeopardy, wasting away in response to the death of his wife and children in some horrible car crash, in which he, the driver was the only survivor. It was a lot like that.

McGee was taking the morning and daytime shift, Gibbs the nighttime and Tony was on both. McGee would sometimes talk to him about Abby, or about Kate, sometimes he listened to his Mp3 sometimes he was silent. But Gibbs, Gibbs made a point not to speak to him, not to look at him. Was he mad, embarrassed? Or simply didn't want Tony to read him. Maybe he was vulnerable and this was his way of protecting himself. Tony could live with that, but part of him, part of him wanted to talk it out with Gibbs. As callous as Gibbs was, he was Tony's boss, his mentor of sorts and Tony respected him.

Suddenly the lights flicked on in the apartment. Gibbs started and said in a husky voice.

"I'll take the fire escape you take the front."

Hurriedly the two exited the apartment and tromped down the stares. At the door they went there separate ways. Tony entered the front door of the apartment building with the key the landlord had given them. I quietly stalked up the stairs pushing people into doorways as he went. He didn't think of what would come next he just thought of every next step each time his foot hit the floor he no longer thought of the step that was behind him now only of the millisecond that lay ahead. Because if he let himself think too far ahead he would loose his focus. So like that he went up the stairs. Finally he reached the door marked 07. The door was ajar. He took a deep breath and kicked open the door.

**Sorry to leave ya hanging but it make for much excitement yes? I'll try to follow up as quickly as possible. **

**Reviews anyone?**


	13. What it All Comes Down To

**Well, we've made it my friends! After typing for two hours straight I'm hungry, my feet are cold and I have the hiccups. In reality there stands to be one last chapter to this story so don't zone out yet. Now I really need to hear from you on this one. So read, I worked really hard on it.**

The man stood with his back to Tony. His hair was cut short and close to his head, which was angular and long. Tony's hands tightened around his gun in anger at seeing the murderers silhouette in front of him. It could have been simple he could have lifted his gun and shot the man in the back of the head. But he didn't deserve a death so quick and so painless.

"Hands up!" Tony shouted "Asshole" He added as an after thought. Slowly the man turned. Agonizingly slowly, taunting Tony for all he was worth.

"I should have known you would find me." Ari said in accented but refined English.

"Yes, you should have." Tony said bluntly, the pure rage coursing through his veins preventing him from coming up with a better retort. The murderers face brought back memories, of the roof, Kate's painfully ironic last words, of the lab Abby's form going limp in his arms, of Gibbs' basement, talking his mentor of the edge. He felt white hot with anger as adrenalin pushed itself through his system. Tony felt the urge to drop his gun and fight hand to hand with the dirtbag. He wanted to feel the impact of his fist with man chin, to see blood dribble out of his nose, to send his foot sailing through his target's stomach. But he would not do those things, not yet. His gun was his advantage and by loosing that he would let his partner down.

"You should know, that I regret killing your friends." Ari said with no hint of remorse in his voice or eyes.

"Like hell you do." Tony said in a tortured monotone. Ari was blatantly mocking him, with every word, with every breath. By simply being alive he was flashing the murder of Tony's friends and coworkers in his face. He was not sorry. Not one bit.

Ari laughed, the raspy sound like daggers in Tony's ears. Finally he could not stand still any longer. With pure anger and accuracy he sighted and sent a bullet sailing into each of the murderers knees, or roughly that area anyways. Ari roared in agony and crumpled to the ground.

"I hope you know, I do not plan to go down without a fight."

"I was counting on it." In ground eating strides Tony closed the space between them and placed a square kick underneath the incapacitated Moussad agent's chin. A sharp crack indicated he had broken it. Ari swung his fists up and punched Tony in the stomach. With a deep grunt he stumbled backwards hand clutching his gut.

Ari struggled up holding on to a metal chair.

"What would Caitlin and Abigail say now Anthony? If they saw you about to be beaten by an injured man?" Tony's eyes prickled hotly at the mention of his friends' names. At that moment he felt the full impact of how he missed them. Kate would have his back right now and Abby would have prepared them to go into this confrontation. Tony's heart ripped at his chest, he wanted to fall to his knees and to let the tears fall down his cheek in rivulets of absolute misery. He sensed their absence from the living world but also their presence in his heart. This thought gave him the strength to lift his head.

The fire in the young man's eyes was enough to light a small planet ablaze and to torch its moons as well. Resentment for the murderer who stood in front of him was plain to see.

"That," Tony said in a low growl, "is irrelevant." He rushed at the barely standing man and pinned him to the nearby wall. With a sickening crash Tony bashed Ari's head into the wall, once, twice, three times, with growing fury. "You," _bam_ "are a worthless" _bam_ "sack of excrement." He took a deep breath, calming himself. He felt relaxed, almost better, but not yet. Tony knew without a doubt that the terrorist had to die. He reached for his gun from his holster where somewhere in his furor he had shoved it. He slowly lifted it to Ari's temple.

"Never, ever forget what you have done." In the split second before Tony pulled the trigger he saw an expression of pure fear flash across Ari's face, and a shiver ran down his back.

In the minutes after he pulled the trigger Tony stood stock still letting emotions pass through him. Not pride, not happiness, but not disappointment and not relief, satisfaction maybe, but that didn't quite fit either. Nothing did. It was then he noticed Gibbs in doorway from the fire escape. Their eyes met and neither needed to say anything more.

**Alright**

**There you are. Now please, please, please tell me what you think.**


	14. Not a Happy Ending

**With no further ado...**

After everything was through, no one questioned Tony about his method of "stopping" the terrorist. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that it was a righteous kill. Tony was fully examined by the medics, debriefed, and he even received a pat on the shoulder from director Vance. McGee had not hesitated to hug him. It was a bear hug and Tony could feel how fragile his coworker was. Obviously Mcgee was very close to breaking down. Normally, Tony might have tried to comfort his friend but now he couldn't bear to even speak.

He contained the residual anger and sadness for fear it might never fade. Would he feel like this forever? Like a fish out of water? Scrambling for his lost friends, his lost love? Though Tony had never told a soul, he had been in love with Kate Todd. It was not as simple as asking her on a date. There was something between them. What do you call them, sparks? An overly simple way to describe what Tony felt. Flames, was a more apt description. But there was tension too, anger and fear. They both knew that one of them might be killed in action any day. To Tony every confrontation was a reminder of the condemned state of any potential relationship between them. So the flames just ate away at Tony inside.

His head felt heavy like never before. Like there were tears waiting to spill over. But he knew that he would never cry again. He might never loosen his grimace because the pain was so strong inside him that he might scream if he relaxed even a bit. There was to be no late night sobbing, no cries of "why?" He felt that if he gave himself into the grief and trauma he might lose himself in some endless abyss. And he wouldn't, couldn't ever lose himself.

Just as Tony made this resolution he felt a hand on his shoulder. Surely it must have been warm but Tony received no comforting warmth. He looked up to see Gibbs staring at him. There was no happiness in his eyes. Only a sad reassuring look that made Tony think that maybe, just maybe things might balance out again.

**Well there it is. **

**Its been a nice ride everyone.**

**Thanks for sticking with me  
**

**This took me at least half a year to write and really carried me through a couple different periods in my life.**

**It was depressing at times but it felt wonderful to write and I am proud of everything I wrote.**

**I would love to hear from you as always.**

**Drop me a line**

**any time**

**hey look a rhyme!**

**its sublime **

**I will stop speaking in rhyme**

**if you drop me a line.**


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